that acting thing

during the acting thing i was so damn proud of myself. i finally if not for a split second stopped acting. i stopped acting. I stopped thinking and stopped acting. it was great. i felt great life was great i loved it. It started with the box thing where despite my best efforts against myself, i had alot of fun. It was creepy. Instead of a box, i was in an inescapable house, reminicent of Patrick Mcgoohan's house in the prisoner. i was having such a fun time escaping one room into another i diddnt want to stop. I actually believed that i was a prisoner in the house. Then during the partner exercise i felt as if i was talking to a friend and not even acting a part. It felt natural and lucid. Just ask John his thoughts about our conversation.........he'll tell you that it was something....Special let's just say. i dont know what i did or diddnt do, but i think it centers on me not thinking and just doing, leading by impulse instead of mental thoughts.

today

I'm not sure exactly what to call what happened today. In the beginning i'll admit i was a bit skeptical of the whole process. I was a bit tentative about putting such personal materials on display for the school to see, heck if the words weren't so vague i would still be tentative about putting them up. I dont think of myself as a guarded person exactly, but when it comes to my art i'm usually very sensitive about my feelings. It's hard for me to be sincere, that much i know. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a lack of trust, maybe i'm afraid of being hurt again, if i knew the reason then i wouldnt be in this predicament, But i digress. I liked the fact that whenever i made a reason for liking an aspect of my art, another larger reason for liking my art came into focus, like a controlling aspect, what i strive to achieve through art. It all led to happiness and i was happy with it. Isnt it what everyone is striving for anyway? isn't it why people do art so they can achieve some sort of happiness or self satisfaction ( a form of happiness). it makes sense why im happiest while doing my art, because my sole goal is to make myself happy.

hello

im working on a play.

it is taking very long.

thats all.

not much to say for this week yet, two days in. This year for me is about projects cranking them out doing nothing but putting my head down and working. Leaving a legacy. This may not allow me to have the normal "stac experience" but it's what i have chosen to do. I want to work, i want to create, i want to explore and this is the year to do it. I will need help, lots of it and constantly. Feel free to ask if i need help, because im sure as hell bound to say yes with something. Im happiest when im buried in my art. I love every second of it. Writing, filming, acting, playing with scenes, all help me discover more about myself and the world around me.

-Katzy